Intentional Healing Moments Blogs & more: Pieces of me

So many times I sit back and think about my younger self and begin to wonder how I mustard up the strength to hide so much undetected damage. Did no one notice the emptiness in my eyes or maybe the sadness behind my smile? Did no one really notice the nervous body ticks that I developed or was it that maybe it was noticeable but no one cared. I’m sure that wasn’t the case and just with the pace of life and the lack of effective communication and knowledge, played a part. As irritated as I get some times thinking about it, I do find myself acknowledging that some adults back then did not know as much as my current generation does or even had the same resources we have. Many of those adults did not even desire to have the hard and uncomfortable conversations which was needed. To think there are so many kids begging for someone to simply see them! They get labeled so many titles and pushed to the side when they are really crying out for help. In my case, I wasn’t a troubled or problem kid. I did not give the signs by “acting out” so maybe that’s why no one noticed all the trauma I was routinely going through, however now that I’m an adult I want to give my younger self a big hug and apologize. Apologize for all the moments of having to appear strong when I was breaking inside, apologize for all the unheard cries for help and attention, apologize for no one pouring into me, apologize for not ever feeling safe or protected, apologize for not having the reassurance of a safe adult to confide in, apologize for feeling so alone that resulted to prayers for no longer wanting to be alive. As I’m now nurturing that little girl, I find myself more mindful and alert to the unsaid words and actions of the kids around me . I wonder would the life I have now, be different if someone took the time to see me, be a safe place for me to land or simply protected me! I know those things I will never know but I will continue to give myself the things I so desperately needed many years ago and in this journey of life, I plan to be the adult I wish I would’ve had.Pieces of me…