Intentional Healing Moments Blogs & more: Pieces of me

What happens when chaos becomes your version of “normal”? A lot of times, it’s not until we begin the healing process, that we realize that certain things should alarm us as dysfunctional or odd. Instead we are conditioned by our environment and circumstances within a repeated cycle, that inadvertently becomes familiar in chaotic situations. I remember growing up in a two parent household and even though that seemed to be a luxury according to society, for a long time it did not feel like that for me. My parents argued like pretty much everyone else’s parents and sometimes the intensity of the arguments felt intimidating and scary. As I got older, the intimidating and scary feelings were suppressed and replaced with being desensitized. It became normal to witness my parents arguing and having my dad move in and out on multiple occasions. So much so that one day I was on my way home from my school bus stop and of course as I got closer I began to pull my house key out. I got to the front door and it was WIDE OPEN! You would more than likely assume that this unusual occurrence with the door would alert me but nope it did not 🫣. Before going further, I noticed the driveway was empty, so my parents were not home and neither were my siblings. Nothing on the porch seemed disturbed, so what did I do? Yeah you probably guessed right, I walked my self right into the house and immediately knew something had to have happened because our house was destroyed with items thrown all over the place, flipped over and a lot of items were missing. The living room was a mess! Obviously the realization that we were robbed did not resonate to me because I did not attempt to turn around and go back out the door, even with me not knowing if someone could possibly be still there in our house. I proceeded to take it upon myself to walk through the whole house by myself, in which, looking back I can admit how careless this was on my behalf but it also give a better understanding of the chaotic nature I was accustomed to at that moment in time. No I did not call 911, I then called my parents and asked if this was a result of a fight and if my dad moved out again. Of course both of them were clueless to what I was talking about and told me to leave out the house because apparently we were robbed and to wait on their arrival along with the police. Thankfully I did not walk in on the burglary actively happening but because my nervous system had begun to adapt to the normalization of dysfunction, I was truly oblivious to what should have been extremely obvious. My traumatic experiences altered my perception on various issues but there comes a time that people similar to me must start getting the healing that’s necessary so that it’s clear to decipher the difference between true normalcy and chaos! Pieces of me…