Intentional Healing Moments Blogs & more: Pieces of me

Naive, numb, people pleasing, disassociating and emotional wounds would be descriptive words that come to mind when I think about the younger version of myself. There were so many instances that unconsciously formed bricks and barriers in which over time constructed the wall of distrust and trauma that dictated how I would navigate life and people. When I was a child, I experienced life in a way that in some ways I assumed was normal. I was punished when I did not get good grades or my conduct was not met within the guidelines of what was expected of me, I had siblings that I grew up in the house with and I was even raised with both parents in the home for the majority of my childhood. Both of my parents worked full time jobs and I was afforded the luxury of receiving the materialistic things I needed and a lot of times the things I wanted. With checking off the basics, you would think my life was at least alright but as I have gotten older, I’ve noticed how much unresolved trauma I accumulated and how unorthodox my childhood really was. Since doing the necessary internal work and the reprogramming on my perspectives, I have realized that my first heart break had come from my parents. The broken trust, lack of a safe love, instability of my parents relationship, sexual abuse I received throughout my childhood that one parent was not aware of, insecurity, mental manipulation, secrecy that comes from “what happens in the house stays in this house”, absence of positive affirmations or affection, my mother rarely expressed verbally her love for her children while my dad decided to verbally express his love after physical abuse. The feeling of not being stood up for, or the display of violence between parents but having to give a facade in public. That’s just a portion of the circumstances surrounding the realization that I haven’t experienced real or healthy love at all. After all, maybe that played a part in why I haven’t allowed anyone else the ability to access all of my heart because I’m too busy picking up the fragments of the broken heart my parents left me with to piece together.

– signed a healing daughter ❤️‍🩹 Pieces of me…